Change - good or bad?

     

  Huhhh... Confused again. Either to be happy or to be sad. Yeah it's 1st May and it's time for appraisal announcements. First I was very happy by seeing numbers but than got bit disappoint. But anyways that's life and it happens not going to discuss about this day. After reaching home I have open the diary to add something and then ended up with reading older notes.

          I have flipped the pages and reached at the date 4/8/2010. It was my first salary day and post goes like this........

Huhhh..It's the day everyone wants to have and love more than anything....

Yuppp...It's the salary day.... Will get first salary today... at the age of 20....But it wasn't easy to survive last month... eating one time and so many fasts to balance the expenses of weekends...

One good thing about this industry is the 5 days work culture.... just like I had during my college days...

Now let me get back with my experience of last one month.....First I know why I have chosen this field....and first time I realize that only starting income doesn't matter.... I am enjoying my life in my own city and ....I am enjoying my work more than a person earn thrice than me.....

Just remember one line dad always told to me..... It's not that how much you earn that makes you happy....But it's how much you have strived for that money when you were not earning makes you happy......

"Always aim that much high...that you cover max distance....Cause it's 45 degree which covers more distance not 90 degree...and 120 degree can take you behind also....."

After reading this I was just shocked. It's only me who have written this almost 3 years ago.

I am changed too much.

Don't know it's good or bad but I can see and feel the difference.

Happiness is Decision!

Nearly end of first quarter of 2014 and I was just evaluating this quarter with respect to happiness I gain in it.

I have got lots of ups in it and few downs. At the end it was way better than I have expected. And may be that was the main reason that I have not expected anything for this and the way things are going right now making me delightful. 

Yes some things touch you, you cannot explain how. But they leave a lasting impact on your heart. And mind. And soul. They might be a trivial thing like a movie, or a huge thing like a heartbreak. But they become a part of you. And they are there to stay. To change you. To make you a better person. Or a worse one. But they keep you going. 

And at the end of everything, that's the only thing that matters. 

"Haso..Jiyo...Muskurao...Kya pata... Kal Ho na ho"

PS: Ignore typos. I'm sitting in a cafe, writing this on my phone.

Life - a jigsaw puzzle

Life - a jigsaw puzzle.... Thought came up to my mind when I was playing with my little nephew. I have gifted him quite a few jigsaw puzzles recently. We have started with the puzzle with 10 pieces and than we have reached till puzzle with 500 pieces.

Last weekend i went at cousin's place and was playing with around and he brought this largest puzzle and we had started setting up pieces to create complete picture. We had photo of complete picture in my cell. We looked at the complete picture in my cell (clicked from the one given on the box) from time to time and keep it in our mind. Just to visualize the picture and then searched for the missing pieces. During this if we got stuck somewhere....we abandoned that part of the picture and focused on the other part which seems easy and at that moment. We tried to fit a piece in various places. It was fun to see that spoiled brat so much engrossed in the activity. Sometimes, he would just stare at the picture from so closed range, trying real hard to find out where the piece in hand would find its place. In meantime We also came back again on the earlier abandoned part of the puzzle and sorted it out with an ease. During this activity We rejoiced when a piece found its place and we got frustrated too, if a part remained elusive for long.However, with patience, determination, focus, we finally completed the picture and it was an Aha! moment. Happiness was flowing from his face and he did dance steps of his favourite song to express the happiness.

This activity took long two hours and after completing i was thinking that isn't life is the same, just like a jigsaw puzzle. We visualize the complete picture of perfect life and then start looking for the matching pieces to complete that picture. Meantime when we rejoiced when we find perfect piece and also get frustrated when we don't get one for long time. But what is important is to abandon the complex part for sometime and try to focus on the other part which can be completed with an ease. It might possible that during that process you find the missing part of that abandoned work and can resume fixing that part too. 

Keep on moving is the lesson. If you just keep on holding the same piece of puzzle for long time it will not take you further and you will get frustrated. Keep on exploring the options. Really....Life is just like a jigsaw puzzle....We have to see the whole picture.... then put it together piece by piece...and also should not hold on to one piece for longer duration.

Straightforwardness - a better option than buttering up someone

Just like my rest of the posts this also came up during some causal discussing during my daily travelling from office to home. We were discussing something related to culture we have adopted of not approaching senior or boss by 'Sir' and just go with the name. Despite of having this culture few people still uses the word 'Sir' instead of name. 

Some of them are just college freshers and not used to of such environments so that's natural for them. However some of them are way senior and still they call them 'Sir' on their face just to buttering them up. What they think is that buttering them up will make their life easier.

I am not completely agree with that, and actually it's ridiculous when someone with that designation do that. Though i have not gain that much exposure to this profession what i have learnt is that Straightforwardness is better than buttering up someone. 

Again Straightforwardness , that word has many different meanings and people define as they want to define it. Some consider their rudeness and impoliteness as their Straightforwardness but that is not.

When i say "Straightforwardness is better than buttering up someone" , that means something as i have tried to discuss below.....

As i have read in some novel that ...

"Straightforwardness is a quality appreciated by many, followed by a few, and understood by even fewer."

A very Well said...! Actually that was authors perception back up by my thoughts and yours might be different from mine. And actually i am fine with that fact as i know that i am not perfect and i am not straight forward as well.

Actually we all, or say most of us wants to be straightforward in life. It means no lies...no bending of facts...no diplomacy. I mean everything ideal and perfect. I mean...if the situation doesn't force , who wants to do all this? So this 

We hope to be straightforward in life. No lie, no bending of facts and no diplomacy. I mean, if the situation doesn't force, then who will desire to do all that? As per the great Chanakya's... 

“A man must not be too straightforward because the trees standing straight in forest are chopped out first”

 Agreed , But again when i say practically we can't be straight forward every time that doesn't mean that we look forward to buttering up some one. 

What should we do than?

The thumb rule is that you can only act straightforward when you are in driving position and things are under your control (in other words, in situation when you know that you are the best person to do the job you are doing).

So what to do when situation is opposite and you are at receiving end ?

If the situation is opposite.... speak with lots of sweetness on your tongue ;) . That sounds wicked ??, may be....but in fact is the simple truth of life....and you have to Accept it! However when i say sweetness in tongue that doesn't mean buttering up someone , which i have called RIDICULOUS in beginning.

Just to make my thoughts more clear.....consider below bullet points... 

• Point 1 :- Straightforwardness has actually nothing to do with rudeness... impoliteness.... anger... or frustration. 

• Point 2 :- Straightforwardness has definitely to do so much with the clarity - clarity of what you think and what you speak. 

• Point 3 :-Always, think about the consequences and the outcome before being straightforward...I mean... it’s certainly not a good idea to invite trouble....just for the sake of looking bold in front of others. ;) 

So the people in favor of me will appreciate this post (and also me for being a straightforward man). On the other hand the people who are not in support this will criticize this post and me for doing this. However i am fine with both.

Arrogance - result of higher confidence

This is weird topic to choose to write your first blog post in new year. But unlike all my other ramblings this doesn't come naturally during travelling. I was analyzing my last year on the 31st eve with having glass of vodka mixed feelings in my hand and sitting on the parapet of my terrace on the 11th floor. It has been certainly good year for me, lot's of high and achievements with few lows. 

It's amazing that how we live in phases... a little achievement make us happy when the time is right and friends are there beside us... and biggest achievement don't even affect us when there is no one to share it with. It always amazes me that why do we do things for others? To see a smile on their face? Or because that smile makes us feel good. At the end of the day, we look for our comfort zone, and while doing that, we end up making others happy. Or sad. Depending upon the kind of phase they are in at that time. So yes in a way you can say that i am selfish if i make you happy or sad that's i am doing for me. 

It's kinda weird that how our priorities or preferences changed with the age. 

When i was kid... i start loving person just because my best friend loves him or her , no other reasons required. Now I grown up ...and i start hating person just because my best friend loves him/her....again no other reason required. 

It shows that i am feeling more unsecured about my friends now then i was doing when i was kid. 

Huhhh...I feel as if I think in some alien language these days. Yes I have noticed changes in me and someone has informed me too. And they have been drastic. I can sense that I have become more confident now. I was always a very confident person, but I have stepped a level above now. And it's a dangerous position. It almost makes you arrogant. It definitely makes you more narcissist and ultimately hyper active. I became more hyper when something does not go with a way i wanted it. It surely increases the number of your haters. But it also makes you less vulnerable, smarter and cold. You are so cautious about everything that you may prefer losing them than harming your confidence, or emotions - whatever sounds good to your ears. 

Actually human nature is to exaggerate...and i think we exaggerate almost everything. From our position to power, knowledge to foolishness, stupidity to virginity - everything. And as per the most abused area when it comes to exaggeration is our EMOTIONS. Starting from the childhood...We blackmailed our parents when we were kids, we faked tears, threw tantrums, faked smiles to look strong, faked love to not lose something or someone special, faked work pressure and illness - exaggeration kind of became a habit. Many of us are expert in exaggerating things. At times it helps...and...at times it backfires. 

And here goes one more post with ramblings of my over worked mind...actually I think it's a more of habit now .... I talk about vague things on this blog. Way too many things clutter your mind without any reason. And after a point, you feel nothing about anything. It's like being emotionally dead. It maybe a temporary phase or a permanent state. But somehow these things have to be brought out of your system. It depends on you how you prefer to do it. I need to talk. I talk with people, close friends, strangers - whoever I can connect with. And I blog. 

P.S. In other news, unlike the last year i have missed the perfect ending of the year but in the very first week i have compensate it with a bang. It started with Sunday we won a cricket match and on Monday celebration went grand with the movie after office hours.

They say...."Its always better to be with No one than to be with Wrong One " ....I say ...."Actually it's better to be with wrong one ....rather than being with no one..."

Misunderstandings - a story

Fate had a funny way of playing with things Ayesha thought with moist eyes..
Flashback to an year ago...

Ayesha was a regular customer at a coffee shop two blocks from her office. Every day after work, she'd go there not because she loves coffee, she actually hated it... but because of that tall cute guy with to-die-for eyes working behind the counter. Shirley was her best friend… 

That was Sunday evening, exhausted and tired from the house hold work Ayesha called Shirley and asked for outing. They went to the same cafeteria Ayesha used to visit for that guy. Sitting over the coffee table Ayesha was discussing about the some training she has attended..it was something about swot analysis and soon it turned into the discussion of disadvantages of being girl. After working for the entire week at office she also have to take care of additional responsibilities of household work over the weekend.

Both were so engrossed in the discussing that they didn’t noticed the café guy was standing at their table for taking the order. The guy cleared his throat to gain the attention. Ayesha looked up to order her favorite black coffee without sugar , however when she noticed that it’s the same guy she was not able to open her mouth and kept on staring in that hazel eyes of that boy.

Shirley noticed this and waved her hand in front of her eyes to drag her back in reality. She was feeling embraced and that guy was shy to, so make them comfortable Shirley cracked a joke and all of them had good laugh. Ayesha used to say that Sid looks like “Hritik Roshan” and Shirley always completes the sentence by saying “True, looks like Hritik of movie ‘Koi Mil Gaya’ ”.

That one incident had proved to be ice breaking incident for them and that guy Sid, Ayesha and Shirley, have started talking more often after that day.  Sid working in the café has issue with actual working hours and used get angry stare from his manager when they spend more time in café. On other side Ayesha and Shirley working for some corporate giants had lenient working hours so that café became their common hanging place.

Ayesha though being closest friend of Shirley, She had not told Shirley about her love towards Sid. And unknowing of Ayesha’s feeling Shirley too started falling for Sid gradually.

On the other side it was the same story, but unfortunately Sid was one person can love only one person at time, he had started falling for the one of the girl. From the very first day they talked he started liking that girl.  

One day when Shirley was not present, Ayesha and Sid were sitting in café and Sid gathered courage and told the Ayesha about his love. Uncertain of the feeling of the girl, Sid didn’t tell the Ayesha a name of the girl and kept it as third person. It was heart breaking news for the Ayesha she was dumb struck. She quickly turned up from the table and left the place. She wanted someone to share her feeling and she finally told Shirley about her love towards about Sid and also told about the Sid’s liking of some other girl.

For Shirley also that was double shocking. Out of shock that Ayesha to loved Sid, she couldn’t get a simple logic that Sid love other girl than Ayesha and that other girl can be herself too. Ayesha couldn’t take the defeat well and flew away to the USA at her uncle’s place. Left alone with broker heart Shirley also went in isolation and left going to that place. Shocked from Ayesha’s behavior on that day Sid too started believe that it was his mistake to love those high society girl and left the job at café.

Leap 1 years, present day all of them are thinking that they have lost their true love. If we keep the person, whom Sid loved as secret, two of them might have got their true love.

Moral: - It was clear example of miscommunication and misunderstandings. Sid didn’t present his thought clearly to Ayesha. Ayesha didn’t understand Sid’s perception out of shock passed confusing message to Shirley. Shirley didn’t use her logic sense and carried away with emotion at that time.

Talent >> Hardwork

'But it is so easy for you. You are so talented and good at everything. Not all of us are as talented as you. So unfair,' she said. And i hate this word, I feel like all the credit of my hard work is going in wain by considering it as just luck.

We were having a conversation about loving what you do and doing what you love and whether it is indeed possible to follow your passion and make a  decent living out of it.

I wanted to tell her that most people saw only the sheen, not the grit, nor the passing through the cogs a million times, bearing the pain as you discovered you were much stronger than you thought and that you did not crumble after all.

I wanted to tell her about the thousands and thousands of things I have done before I was considered worthy in whatever i am doing right now. I wanted to tell her about the  back-breaking hours of  meticulous research I have done, How i have spent almost sleepless night just to do some really minor issue with code. Just to make sure that the facts I am stating are accurate.

I wanted to tell her about that accident day before my 10th board exams and how i have written my papers with that broken finger. Just to see smile on face of my dad i have ignored the pain. Life is so much easy for me i never have to thought about what i wanted to do. I just wanted to do that everything which my dad was not able to do , due to that responsibility of family at early stage of his life.

I wanted to tell her about the time I cried and cried when I lost my dad, and the people I considered 'friends' turned away and how strangers who I just met turned out to be my biggest support systems (and later good friends). [ Hey doctor, this one is just for you :) ]

I wanted to tell her that the best way I discovered to overcome my grief was to immerse myself in work and more work. I wanted to tell her about all the opportunities I had grabbed even the seemingly useless ones, because I was so afraid that if I did not, the void that was inside me would engulf me.

I wanted to tell her that I wrote  and I painted as I had finally found my calling. I wanted to finally tell her that  'I really think it is not about talent, it is about hard work. But most people do not seem to see that.'

But I do not think she wanted to hear that....

So  I smiled and said  "Yeah, you're right you know. Some people have all the luck. It is so unfair."

Life is full of turn .. never give up ...never return .. !

Life is full of turn .. never give up never return .. ! 

Stochastic Probability Theory - THE PREGNANT DEER SCENARIO...

In a forest, a pregnant deer is about to give birth to a baby. It finds a remote grass field nearby a river and slowly goes there thinking it would be safe. As she moves slowly, she gets labour pain. At the same moment, dark clouds gather around that area and lightning starts a forest fire. Turning left, she sees a hunter who is aiming an arrow from a distance. As she tries to move towards right, she spots a hungry lion approaching towards her. 

STOCHASTIC PROBABILITY THEORY

What can the pregnant deer do, as she is already under labour pain..?

What do you think will happen..?

Will the deer survive..?

Will it give birth to a fawn..?

Will the fawn survive..?

OR

Will everything be burnt by the forest fire...?

Can the deer go left..? No, the hunter's arrow is pointing at her.

Can she go right...? No, the hungry male lion is approaching her.

Can she move up..? No, there the forest is on fire.

Can she move down..? No, that is where the fierce river is.

Answer: She does nothing. She just focuses on giving birth to a new LIFE..

The sequence of events that happens at that fraction of a second (moment) are as follows:

In a spur of MOMENT, a lightning strikes and blinds the eyes of the hunter...!

At that MOMENT, he releases the arrow missing and zipping past the deer...!

At that MOMENT, the arrow hits and injures the lion badly...!

At that MOMENT, it starts to rain heavily and puts out the forest fire...!

At that next MOMENT, the deer gives birth to a healthy fawn...!

In our life too, there are MOMENTS of CHOICE when we all have to deal with negative thoughts from all sides. Some thoughts are so powerful they overcome us and make us clueless. 

Anything can happen in a MOMENT in this life. If you are religious, superstitious, atheist, agnostic or  whatever, you can attribute this MOMENT to divine intervention, faith, sudden luck, serendipity,  coincidence, karma, or a simple 'I just don't know'...!

The priority of the deer, in that given moment, was simply giving birth to a baby, because 

LIFE IS PRECIOUS...!

In future, may you always be inspired to have a focused positive insight, oblivious of all imaginary, negative probabilities.

"LIFE is Flowing Like a River

With Unexpected TURNS,

May be GOOD,

May be BAD...

Learn to enjoy Each Turn

because, these Turns...

Never RETURN."

One more time......Life is full of turn .. never give up never return .. ! 

Fear - writing is scary!!!!

When i used to write earlier, I used to rarely hit backspace. I have just started writing this blog from cell phone and i was not even bothered about grammar and spellings. I was just writing it for my self and was not worried about any weird comments from reader. Then i have got little bit attention from reader and started getting lots of likes,+1's and comments. So i have started taking writing little bit seriously. Still i was writing down thoughts while travelling but used to edit and furnish post before publishing it. I just recall that few month's back , i have got more than 10000 hits for one post and that incident made me over conscious about my writings.

And now, there's more backspace strokes than the space bar strokes! I hardly able to write on fresh topic. I think that i have just started writing more about generic topics than my own thoughts and life. Then i had almost two months when i haven't publish any post. Too much loaded with project work and these were the days when my smartphone battery was lasting an entire day without plugging it into charging. I was hardly getting time to visit this place.

I think work was not only the reason, Points about why I was not able to write were ranging from the fact that I was no longer in the everyday company of people who were inspired me to write, and also it's the fact that the so called 'grown-up' life has very few narrate worthy incidents to share with the world on this platform.

The reason that I zeroed in for not being able to write is the fact that i was scared,and maybe, somewhere at some level, as we grow up, we become increasingly scared of things, scared of getting reviewed and evaluated by people, and this ends up with putting ourselves in our shells and just shut the fuck up! I even got scared by being judged by friends. Scared of losing people in your life, scared of revealing too much of yourself , scared that if you actually do so, people may take advantage of you, scared that you're losing yourself to yourself and there'll be one day when you'll no longer recognize yourself. As i have always said and also write a Post - Writing is scary....  on this topic. But the fact is that the fear you have today, you may not have it tomorrow. And you just keep vacillating between being scared about things and not giving a damn at all.

Have you even noticed child playing around. They don't fear of anything as they are ignorant about probable risk. But as they started growing they started developing fear in them.

Growing up takes away a lot of things from you, one of them is being fearless.

Sometimes the only ray of hope is to have someone believe in you, have faith in you and then you just want to take a giant leap of faith and just dive into your fears. Like a free fall. At the end if it, you'd either be badly bruised with broken ribs and limbs or you'll discover wings you never knew you had all this while.

Really depends on you..... Life is what you make it!!!!

Rejection - We love to win...but we should be pretty humble in defeat as well !!!!

Huhh...weird topic to choose,specially for the time when you are writing a post almost after 2 months. But as i always says i don't generally decide to write about something and sit in isolation to note down words in it's best way. For me it's just as usual an intense discussion about one topic with different people which usually results into a blog post. So this one is also no different. I met one friend a few days ago. He is from same college and one of the best buddy of my tenure in this city and we understands each other better than most people of our age. He is just like brother (In typical Bollywood style, brother from another mother ;)) We can discuss about every damn thing in this world philosophically, hypothetically, seriously and whatever other ways you could think of.

We usually meet at the same place, have same food/drinks mostly and talk about various things in the same manner. It was that very place where I had encouraged him to express his feelings for the girl he liked and was studying with him in his Post graduation course. Then we have recalled college life and all the fun we had during those four years. Discussing details different pair's of college class room and how many of us have already got married and who is tagged with whom. Yeah typical gossips.... Who say boys don't gossips , girls do gossips in day and boys do at night specially after having cane of beer in stomach and another one in hand. :p 

When i meet him last time we end up discussing same topic and he told me that he has expressed his feeling to a girl and she has accepted the proposal they are planning to paired up in near by future. Even he told me that it was a good thing to confess to your feelings to someone you like. Because in his case both of them have feelings about each other since long but they have waited for two years till the time of departure from college. This is not only about them but i think most of the times we are too scared to express what we feel. Because we cannot take rejection. What's the big deal if someone rejects you? How does it change anything about you? No I am not talking about some rocket science here, merely stating the obvious. Yet, it's that obvious we ignore because we are scared of this rejection even if it doesn't really affect our life. It does affect you if you let it. If you are going to feel depressed about rejection then you very well deserve it. Feel depressed if someone says yes, for it's going to take away your freedom, you know ;) .

I have read somewhere that this new generation, Means our generation is raised in very competitive environment. We love to and want win each and every small battle and do not take the loss very well. Very nice statement again...

"We love to win each and every game but at the same time we are pretty humble in our loss "

This was from manager of one of the very well known football club after winning very rare treble triumph in the season.

I will not say I have approached girls too and I have been rejected . But i have never thought going that far with anyone as goal of life is entire different. Baring responsibility of family at the age of 16 has left me with no choice of any such thought. When i have lost my Dad at that age I thought it would affect me at very large scale, but it didn't. I have covered situation pretty much in last 5 years. Right now at this stage I do not see that phase of my life as challenge as i have not done any special in that phase. I have behaved pretty normal recovered well without any issue. So I believe for any rejection. If that major blow has not affected my life then these are pretty small stuff. I don't have the regret of not living such life style, like my friends had in college life. I didn't even had any thought of expressing what I felt. So I don't have to think about - I should have told her, how she would have reacted, how we would be right now and such jazz. Somewhere I'm glad that it had save me from getting 'No'. But what i think now is that all of us have changed with time. I am not going to write anything bad about any of the crushes.That would be an insult to my temporary preference... :p

Well this is an never ending debate but what i feel is that .....It's just plain stupid to keep quiet because you fear rejection. If you have reason or goal like i had then it's different case. But other wise rejection has not yet resulted into one's death...let me be specific until the stupid one had chosen extreme way of ending life. People who claim to be shy or introvert are mostly the ones who fear that they will get no as an answer. What's wrong with a no? If it turns out to be a yes, then wouldn't it be the best decision of your life at least for that moment? Have heard somewhere in some Bollywood movie...

"Na to hey hi....to fir kyu na risk ley...Shayad ha ho jaye...."

And in English also there is one saying....

"If you will gamble then you might loss....but if you don't then you will never win " (not always true....but for this when you have nothing too loss then you can gamble.... :p)

Learn to say what you feel. Life will be better that way. 

Keep it simple silly !!!!!

Cheers,

Akash