Hello Friends.....Just wanna share one story with you....Hope you all like it..... :)
Friday, December 3, 2010
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
A Lot can happened over a Coffee-A Twist
Scene 1:
Location: Lifestyles mall, Cafe coffee Day
Timeline : Last year of college (2009)
Characters: Two cool college kids, Two weird office goers
Why are we alone?
We are not alone. We cant be alone if we are together.
Okay ass, I meant why dont we have girlfriends?
Oh, thats because the good ones chose the dorks
Yeah.. neckless, fat, geeky dorks
Hey! We can be neckless fat and geeky, if it gets us girls that is..
Well, we are already geeky..
I am not..
Yes you are..
Yeah I am.. I know..
So all we have to become is neckless and fat..
I dont think it is fair..
Even I dont think it is fair.. but what?
They show girls swooning over Hrithik Roshan on TV, but then they go and settle for dorks like these in real life. I mean, what happened to survival of the handsomest..
Yeah I know.. My mom says I look like Hrithik.
Dont take your mom too seriously..
Oh comeon.. I do!
No, you dont.. actually you do, only hes taller and more.. whats the word.. yeah.. awesome!
You sound like a girl right now..
I know, but you can definitely pass off as Uday Chopra..
Damn you..
Pointing to two office goers sitting at a table across the cafe.
Now look at those two guys there.. We look better than they do, dont we?
We sure do.. I mean we can beat them in the looks dept any day.
Yeah, look at them. Peter England office shirts, Arrow flat trousers and office handbag. Looks more like a purse that handbag of theirs if you ask me..
They look as if they came with a tag - since 1929
Hehe.. good one.. And look at us, cool wrist band, Levi's jeans, Reebok shirts and i-pump shoes..
Hey when did you buy them shoes?
Monday.
And you didnt tell me?
Tell you? what are we? girls?
Oh yeah.. sorry. Are those guys waiting for someone?
Yeah.. I bet they have girlfriends too.
These guys? since 1929 guys? No ways!
I bet 100..
deal..
Just then 2 pretty girls entered the cafe and walked up to them. They could hear them.
"Shall we leave boys?", said the first one.
"We ll be late for the movie", said the other one.
The guys paid the bill and started moving out, with their respective girls.
See? See? Hail me as your king! Pay up you dumbass.
Damn you ass****
He removed Rs. 100 from his wallet and thrusted it onto his friend's palm.
He said the word "Damn" loud enough for one of the guys, who was now opening the door for his girl, to hear him. He looked back at the college kids and smiled. He pulled her close to him and whispered something in her ear. She looked back at the college kids and giggled. Then the four of them left.
Scene 2:
Location: Lifestyles mall, Cafe coffee Day
Timeline : First year of the job (2010)
Characters: Two weird college kids, Two cool office goers
Hows work?
Cool. Hows yours?
Cool.
Hows everyone at home?
What? You never used to ask that!
Really? Hmm.
Got a promotion btw.
Hmm.. that means you pay for today's movie.
Damn you.
I paid the first installment of the car, did I tell you?
Hmm.. Your dad, didnt ask you to pay, did he?
No, but I thought I could pay half for him. That way it would be easier for him.
Hmm.. we are planning to buy a house too..
In mulund?
No re, its out of reach now. Maybe in Thane. Now that I make money too, my parents can afford it..
Man! We are paying installements, buying flats.. We are growing up!!!
Pointing to two college kids sitting at a table across the cafe.
Remember when we were like them?
Whats with those shoes and whats with the hairstyle these kids have nowadays?
Yeah.. and look at their jeans. One more of his size can fit into those!! And they think they look "cool"!
Hehehe.. weirdos..
Its 6:45.. Why do they always have to be this late..
Its evolutionary.. Its in the bible..
What the? The bible doesnt allow women to come late..
Arre it does! Even the first woman "Eve" came only after Adam got really bored.
Hehehe.. Your sense of humour has gone down the drain.
shut up dumbass..
Just then two pretty girls entered the cafe.
"Hello boys", one said.
"Are we late?", the other asked.
No babe.
"Lets leave, dont wanna miss the starting"
The guys paid the bill and started walking out when one of them overheard one of the college kid swearing at the other.
He looked back at the kids, the kid wearing a green nike shirt thrusted a 100 rupee note in the hands of the other kid. He smiled at them.
He held her hand and pulled her close to him. He whispered in her ear -
"You see those two guys sitting there. I think, they had a bet whether we had girlfriends or not. The guy in the green shirt lost."
"How can you be sure about the bet thing", she asked.
"Coz I have been there "
She looked at him amused. She looked back at the college kids and giggled. The four of them left.
Note:-Article is not mine but i had posted it here as it seems like story of mine. All credit of article is for its original author.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Employee Referance Manual
Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctor’s statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Surgery
Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.
Bereavement Leave
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases, where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is enough to keep the job going in your absence.
Your Own Death
This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice, as it is your duty to train your replacement.
Rest Room Use
Entirely too much time is being spent in the rest room. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, those whose names begin with ‘A’ will go from 8:00 to 8:10; employees whose names begin with ‘B’ will go from 8:10 to 8:20 and so on. If you’re unable to go at your time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your time comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a coworker. Both employees’ supervisors in writing must approve this exchange.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. All questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation’s, consternation’s, or input should be directed elsewhere.
We will no longer accept a doctor’s statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Surgery
Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.
Bereavement Leave
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases, where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is enough to keep the job going in your absence.
Your Own Death
This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice, as it is your duty to train your replacement.
Rest Room Use
Entirely too much time is being spent in the rest room. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, those whose names begin with ‘A’ will go from 8:00 to 8:10; employees whose names begin with ‘B’ will go from 8:10 to 8:20 and so on. If you’re unable to go at your time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your time comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a coworker. Both employees’ supervisors in writing must approve this exchange.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. All questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation’s, consternation’s, or input should be directed elsewhere.
Smart Answers..................to make u snatch ur hairs
Man: Haven’t I seen you someplace before ?
Woman: Yeah, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.
Man: I’d like to call you. What’s your number ?
Woman: It’s in the phone book.
Man: But I don’t know your name.
Woman: That’s in the phone book too.
Man: Is this seat empty ?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.
Man: So, wanna go back to my place ?
Woman: Well, I don’t know. Will two people fit under a rock ?
Man: Your place or mine ?
Woman: Both. You go to yours and I’ll go to mine.
Man: What sign were you born under ?
Woman: No Parking.
Man: I know how to please a woman.
Woman: Then please leave me alone.
Man: I want to give myself to you.
Woman: Sorry, I don’t accept cheap gifts.
Man: I can tell that you want me.
Woman: Ohhhh. You’re so right. I want you… to leave.
Man: I’d go through anything for you.
Woman: Good! Let’s start with your bank account.
Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: Yes, but would you stay there ?
Woman: Yeah, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.
Man: I’d like to call you. What’s your number ?
Woman: It’s in the phone book.
Man: But I don’t know your name.
Woman: That’s in the phone book too.
Man: Is this seat empty ?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.
Man: So, wanna go back to my place ?
Woman: Well, I don’t know. Will two people fit under a rock ?
Man: Your place or mine ?
Woman: Both. You go to yours and I’ll go to mine.
Man: What sign were you born under ?
Woman: No Parking.
Man: I know how to please a woman.
Woman: Then please leave me alone.
Man: I want to give myself to you.
Woman: Sorry, I don’t accept cheap gifts.
Man: I can tell that you want me.
Woman: Ohhhh. You’re so right. I want you… to leave.
Man: I’d go through anything for you.
Woman: Good! Let’s start with your bank account.
Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: Yes, but would you stay there ?
Real Meanings Of Words In Our Field
* Great Presentation Skills – Able to bullshit
* Good Communication Skills – Spends lots of time on phone
* Exceptionally Well Qualified – Made no major blunders yet
* Work Is First Priority – Too ugly to get a date
* Active Socially – Drinks a lot
* Family Is Active Socially – Spouse drinks, too
* Independent Worker – Nobody knows what he/she does
* Quick Thinking - Offers plausible excuses
* Careful Thinker – Won’t make a decision
* Uses Logic On Difficult Jobs – Gets someone else to do it
* Expresses Themselves Well – Speaks English
* Has Leadership Qualities – Is tall or has a loud voice
* Exceptionally Good Judgment – Lucky
* Keen Sense Of Humor – Knows a lot of dirty jokes
* Loyal – Can’t get a job anywhere else
* Good Communication Skills – Spends lots of time on phone
* Exceptionally Well Qualified – Made no major blunders yet
* Work Is First Priority – Too ugly to get a date
* Active Socially – Drinks a lot
* Family Is Active Socially – Spouse drinks, too
* Independent Worker – Nobody knows what he/she does
* Quick Thinking - Offers plausible excuses
* Careful Thinker – Won’t make a decision
* Uses Logic On Difficult Jobs – Gets someone else to do it
* Expresses Themselves Well – Speaks English
* Has Leadership Qualities – Is tall or has a loud voice
* Exceptionally Good Judgment – Lucky
* Keen Sense Of Humor – Knows a lot of dirty jokes
* Loyal – Can’t get a job anywhere else
Very Good Article on Late sitting
It's half past 8 in the office but the lights are still on....
PCs still running, coffee machines still buzzing...
And who's at work? Most of them ??? Take a closer look...
All or most specimens are ??
Something male species of the human race...
Look closer... again all or most of them are bachelors...
And why are they sitting late? Working hard? No way!!!
Any guesses???
Let's ask one of them...
Here's what he says... 'What's there 2 do after going home...Here we get to surf, AC, phone, food, coffee that is why I am working late...Importantly no bossssssss!!!!!!!!!!!'
This is the scene in most research centers and software companies and other off-shore offices.
Bachelors 'Passing-Time' during late hours in the office just bcoz they say they've nothing else to do...
Now what r the consequences...
'Working' (for the record only) late hours soon becomes part of the institute or company culture.
With bosses more than eager to provide support to those 'working' late in the form of taxi vouchers, food vouchers and of course good feedback, (oh, he's a hard worker... goes home only to change..!!).
They aren't helping things too...
To hell with bosses who don't understand the difference between 'sitting' late and 'working' late!!!
Very soon, the boss start expecting all employees to put in extra working hours.
So, My dear Bachelors let me tell you, life changes when u get married and start having a family... office is no longer a priority, family is... and
That's when the problem starts.... b'coz u start having commitments at home too.
For your boss, the earlier 'hardworking' guy suddenly seems to become a 'early leaver' even if u leave an hour after regular time... after doing the same amount of work..
People leaving on time after doing their tasks for the day are labelled as work-shirkers...
Girls who thankfully always (its changing nowadays... though) leave on time are labelled as 'not up to it'. All the while, the bachelors pat their own backs and carry on 'working' not realizing that they r spoiling the work culture at their own place and never realize that they would have to regret at one point of time.
So what's the moral of the story??
* Very clear, LEAVE ON TIME!!!
* Never put in extra time ' unless really needed '
* Don't stay back unnecessarily and spoil your company work culture which will in turn cause inconvenience to you and your colleagues.
There are hundred other things to do in the evening..
Learn music...
Learn a foreign language...
Try a sport... TT, cricket.........
Importantly,get a girl friend or boy friend, take him/her around town...
* And for heaven's sake, net cafe rates have dropped to an all-time low (plus, no fire-walls) and try cooking for a change.
Take a tip from the Smirnoff ad: *'Life's calling, where are you??'*
Please pass on this message to all those colleagues and please do it before leaving time, don't stay back till midnight to forward this!!!
IT'S A TYPICAL INDIAN MENTALITY THAT WORKING FOR LONG HOURS MEANS VERY HARD WORKING & 100% COMMITMENT ETC.
PEOPLE WHO REGULARLY SIT LATE IN THE OFFICE DON'T KNOW TO MANAGE THEIR TIME. SIMPLE !
PCs still running, coffee machines still buzzing...
And who's at work? Most of them ??? Take a closer look...
All or most specimens are ??
Something male species of the human race...
Look closer... again all or most of them are bachelors...
And why are they sitting late? Working hard? No way!!!
Any guesses???
Let's ask one of them...
Here's what he says... 'What's there 2 do after going home...Here we get to surf, AC, phone, food, coffee that is why I am working late...Importantly no bossssssss!!!!!!!!!!!'
This is the scene in most research centers and software companies and other off-shore offices.
Bachelors 'Passing-Time' during late hours in the office just bcoz they say they've nothing else to do...
Now what r the consequences...
'Working' (for the record only) late hours soon becomes part of the institute or company culture.
With bosses more than eager to provide support to those 'working' late in the form of taxi vouchers, food vouchers and of course good feedback, (oh, he's a hard worker... goes home only to change..!!).
They aren't helping things too...
To hell with bosses who don't understand the difference between 'sitting' late and 'working' late!!!
Very soon, the boss start expecting all employees to put in extra working hours.
So, My dear Bachelors let me tell you, life changes when u get married and start having a family... office is no longer a priority, family is... and
That's when the problem starts.... b'coz u start having commitments at home too.
For your boss, the earlier 'hardworking' guy suddenly seems to become a 'early leaver' even if u leave an hour after regular time... after doing the same amount of work..
People leaving on time after doing their tasks for the day are labelled as work-shirkers...
Girls who thankfully always (its changing nowadays... though) leave on time are labelled as 'not up to it'. All the while, the bachelors pat their own backs and carry on 'working' not realizing that they r spoiling the work culture at their own place and never realize that they would have to regret at one point of time.
So what's the moral of the story??
* Very clear, LEAVE ON TIME!!!
* Never put in extra time ' unless really needed '
* Don't stay back unnecessarily and spoil your company work culture which will in turn cause inconvenience to you and your colleagues.
There are hundred other things to do in the evening..
Learn music...
Learn a foreign language...
Try a sport... TT, cricket.........
Importantly,get a girl friend or boy friend, take him/her around town...
* And for heaven's sake, net cafe rates have dropped to an all-time low (plus, no fire-walls) and try cooking for a change.
Take a tip from the Smirnoff ad: *'Life's calling, where are you??'*
Please pass on this message to all those colleagues and please do it before leaving time, don't stay back till midnight to forward this!!!
IT'S A TYPICAL INDIAN MENTALITY THAT WORKING FOR LONG HOURS MEANS VERY HARD WORKING & 100% COMMITMENT ETC.
PEOPLE WHO REGULARLY SIT LATE IN THE OFFICE DON'T KNOW TO MANAGE THEIR TIME. SIMPLE !
To Kya Bat hey
" Kitabo ke panne palat ke sochte hey,
Yu palat jaye Zindgi to kya bat hey.
Tamanna jo puri hoti hey khwabo me,
Haqikat ban jaye agar to kya bat hey.
Kuch log matlab ke liye Dhundhte hey muje,
Bin matlabe koi aaye to kya bat hey.
Jo sharifo ki sharafat me baat na ho,
Ek sharabi keh jaye to kya bat hey.
Girne or ladne se to bahut chot khayi hey,
Koi Nazaro se Ghayal kar jaye to kya bat hey.
Katal kar ke to koi bhi le jayega dil mera,
Koi sirf smile kar ke hi le jaye to kya bat hey."
-THE AKSS
Yu palat jaye Zindgi to kya bat hey.
Tamanna jo puri hoti hey khwabo me,
Haqikat ban jaye agar to kya bat hey.
Kuch log matlab ke liye Dhundhte hey muje,
Bin matlabe koi aaye to kya bat hey.
Jo sharifo ki sharafat me baat na ho,
Ek sharabi keh jaye to kya bat hey.
Girne or ladne se to bahut chot khayi hey,
Koi Nazaro se Ghayal kar jaye to kya bat hey.
Katal kar ke to koi bhi le jayega dil mera,
Koi sirf smile kar ke hi le jaye to kya bat hey."
-THE AKSS
Some Nice Quote collection.....
"Its Really Hard to wait for the Right person when the Wrong one's are DAMN Attractive.."
************************************
"Don't Judge me by what u have seen in me.....cause what u have seen was at end choosen by me"
************************************
"For a pesimist glass is Half Empty,
For an Optimist Glass is Half Full,
.
.
For me...Glass is Twice big as it need to be"
************************************
"Every thing is Pre-written,
Nothing can be Re-written,
So...Live the Best,
nd Leave the Rest"
************************************
Whatever relation we build up in dis world, only thing remains at last is d Loneliness with lots of Rememberances & lots of Memories.
*********************8
An Ideal Guy- Does not Smoke, does not Drink, does not Flirt wid oder girlzzzz, does not Lie, does not Cheat n................................................does not Exist....
***********************
Being Single is a choice...Some stay Single 2 avoid Heartaches, Heartbreaks n Love Problems..........But Some Single choose to be single, bcoz dey still love some1 SECRETLY
****************************
Every Woman needs a Boyfrnd/Husband bcoz everyday every minute something goes wrong, which she cant blame on God or Government..
****************************
Love doesnt start in Morning n doesnt end in Evening..........It starts wen u dont need it n ends wen u need it the most......
***********************
He was a good man -no smoke, drink, affairs. When he died insurance refused claim. Reason ? "He who never lived cannot die" !!
**********************
Every lady hopes her daughter will marry a better man than she did - and convinced her son will never find a wife as good as father did
***********************
Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person, is expecting the lion not to eat you because you are vegetarian.
************************
Do not walk as if you rule the world ; walk as if you do not care who rules the world ! Now, thats attitude !!
************************
************************************
"Don't Judge me by what u have seen in me.....cause what u have seen was at end choosen by me"
************************************
"For a pesimist glass is Half Empty,
For an Optimist Glass is Half Full,
.
.
For me...Glass is Twice big as it need to be"
************************************
"Every thing is Pre-written,
Nothing can be Re-written,
So...Live the Best,
nd Leave the Rest"
************************************
Whatever relation we build up in dis world, only thing remains at last is d Loneliness with lots of Rememberances & lots of Memories.
*********************8
An Ideal Guy- Does not Smoke, does not Drink, does not Flirt wid oder girlzzzz, does not Lie, does not Cheat n................................................does not Exist....
***********************
Being Single is a choice...Some stay Single 2 avoid Heartaches, Heartbreaks n Love Problems..........But Some Single choose to be single, bcoz dey still love some1 SECRETLY
****************************
Every Woman needs a Boyfrnd/Husband bcoz everyday every minute something goes wrong, which she cant blame on God or Government..
****************************
Love doesnt start in Morning n doesnt end in Evening..........It starts wen u dont need it n ends wen u need it the most......
***********************
He was a good man -no smoke, drink, affairs. When he died insurance refused claim. Reason ? "He who never lived cannot die" !!
**********************
Every lady hopes her daughter will marry a better man than she did - and convinced her son will never find a wife as good as father did
***********************
Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person, is expecting the lion not to eat you because you are vegetarian.
************************
Do not walk as if you rule the world ; walk as if you do not care who rules the world ! Now, thats attitude !!
************************
Think About This.............
Starting with some heart touching topic.....what does our history wanna teach and what we are learning from it...........
Long ago....Person's who never smoke, drink, don't touch any women or money.....are called Saints.
as u knw Saints are called "AMAR"(immortel).......and our old generation called this as CHAMTKARI person's......
But right now...i m exposing one heart touching fact that.....our books from history dont wanna teach us....such non sence lesson's..........
lets consider following quote....
""He was a good man -no smoke, drink, affairs. When he died insurance refused claim. Reason ? "He who never lived cannot die" !!""
who never lived never die...........they are not living their life.....they are DEAD from Begining.........this body is not for that purpose........
drink, smoke...enjoy...........ur life...its all urs....jst one thing our history wanna teaches u............" KNOW ur limitation"........or else u will waste ur life like a RAVAN
like a Kans
like a DURYODHAN.........
if u still not getting what i wanna say........discuss with me....open invitation for this topic.......and post.........
akashthesky2007@gmail.com
Long ago....Person's who never smoke, drink, don't touch any women or money.....are called Saints.
as u knw Saints are called "AMAR"(immortel).......and our old generation called this as CHAMTKARI person's......
But right now...i m exposing one heart touching fact that.....our books from history dont wanna teach us....such non sence lesson's..........
lets consider following quote....
""He was a good man -no smoke, drink, affairs. When he died insurance refused claim. Reason ? "He who never lived cannot die" !!""
who never lived never die...........they are not living their life.....they are DEAD from Begining.........this body is not for that purpose........
drink, smoke...enjoy...........ur life...its all urs....jst one thing our history wanna teaches u............" KNOW ur limitation"........or else u will waste ur life like a RAVAN
like a Kans
like a DURYODHAN.........
if u still not getting what i wanna say........discuss with me....open invitation for this topic.......and post.........
akashthesky2007@gmail.com
I wanna get back those days
I want to go back in time and want my childhood days back when.
"Getting
High" meant "On Swing"
"Drinking" meant "Apple Juice"
"Dad"
was the only "Hero"
"Highest place
on earth" was "Dads Shoulder"
my "Worst enemies" were "My own
siblings"
Only thing that could get "Hurt" were "Skinned knees"
The
only thing "Broken" were my "Toys"
and when "Goodbyes" meant
till "Tomorrow
"Getting
High" meant "On Swing"
"Drinking" meant "Apple Juice"
"Dad"
was the only "Hero"
"Highest place
on earth" was "Dads Shoulder"
my "Worst enemies" were "My own
siblings"
Only thing that could get "Hurt" were "Skinned knees"
The
only thing "Broken" were my "Toys"
and when "Goodbyes" meant
till "Tomorrow
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